Friday, December 4, 2009

god can keeps us from falling!

so I'm a little shaken right now. my heart is dabbing in my stomach fluids. It is just soo weird and inhuman, to see some one you interact with on a daily basis stare you in the eyes and next thing you know roll away on a stretcher.
Yesterday, my boss and mentor called and asked me if i could meet him for lunch at shepherd and catch up on life and how things were going. Well, we are rarely ever at shepehrd on fridays, but here is for shadow of gods for seeing faithful ness and protection.
Not only were my boss and i eating lunch at the same time, but four other guys who never eat at this time either. WE are conversing, talking about feeling out of place at very ritzy restaurants.. and my other boss.. (i know got alot of them.) Who is a blessing just to be around, because of his incredible wisdom, asked our young middle school academic director a question... I watched his face,, as his lips quivered, and stuttered to get the words out. I have never seen him have any verbal communication problem. He is a very studious and fluently spoken young guy..
pushing for words, but nothing came out as we all watched and anticipated his response, or maybe a laugh at this joke... i knew in my heart, something was wrong.. as i studied his face and his eyes, i thought to my self " Ive never seen him studder, and he doesn't have any food in his mouth to choke on." as he continued to struggle to get the words out, he turned red from embarrassment, and pointed in confusion, why he couldn't talk?.. he didn't understand why nothing was coming out.
He turned red, and his eyes rolled. as he started to tip back off of his seat all of the energy that was built up from wanted to speak,, blurted out in a haunting release, that sounded like the Alian tripods on tom Cruses War of Worlds.
With out consciousness I"now blurted, 'Catch him" as quickly he was caught on each side, and layed on the ground, where he stiffened up, paralyzed and shaking, with wide eyes and a very pale face.
Tim, my boss, the wise guy, told me to call 911, and drove the moment of this crisis like an experienced captain of a ship. He continued to talk and and ask questions to keep my Friend aware.. After the call was made, i walked back into the cafeteria to see how he was doing... i remember saying "God please heal him quick". He was then wheeled off to the ER, and by that time he had come to, and started trying to fight people off, because the body just thinks that you are being attacked... so again Tim, kept him down. until the paramedics showed up.
....As i write this a few hours later guess who walks into his own class room with his wife?:) He is doing better, a little exhausted.. of course, but doing fine, and apparently it Has happened once before, so it is not just very out of the blue! But as he said Thank God he was in the right place!!
Yes! no doubt.. this is what I'm talking about,,,, God saw this coming.. it was no surprise.. why do you think that He sent all of us..... at the same time. A wrong time for us typically. But perfect timing on gods behalf!
God praise you for you love, and watching over us, and knowing us better than we know our selves. for knowing the number of every hair on our head, calling all the stars by name!
That's beautiful !

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Thank you

Thank you for today!
Thanks for waking me up!
Thank you for letting me breath again
And for a roof over my head,
A Bed to sleep in with bankets and a pillow.
thank you that there is always food.
Thank you for a vehical to drive that gets me to my "job".
Thank you for the "job" That you have given me
Thank you for all the people who have supported me (finacially or other ways!)
Thank you for for parents who are still together after 36 years of soo much life!
For two unique and incredibly loving , cool brothers, who get me,
Thank you for my sister, for bringing her into our lives to remind us of how love takes work!
For hard times, which make the good times so much sweeter!
Thanks Shepherd and Jireh
Thank you for these tough kids
Thank you for your mercy (You run to the hurting)
Thank you for your grace
Thank you for loving me even at my worst
Thank you for your consistancy!
Thank you for hope
If you wake me up tomarrow, thank you!
how can i serve you!??!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

GRace anyone??

Once again God is ridiculous!
My boss and i have had alot of time to talk, on the way into work everyday, because My jeep broke down, so he has been gracious and picking me up.... today, like Tuesday i wanted to walked the 5 mile's to shepherd where I teach P.E. for first graders and middleschoolers.
Today, more particularly i started my walk in the over cast sprinkle of the day. I Prayer"God please hold it off"..... it waited, but then the rain started to pick up.... but half way through my rainy adventure to work, i saw one of my co-workers, pull into the bank crossed the street from me..... "great.. ill get a ride from him"... As im checking the traffic situation on both sides, i step toward the road to cross, and a guy pulled up and asked if i needed a ride...... mind you.. i don't give rides to just any one and dont take rides from just any body... but.. ok.. i got in.. we got turned around... we started chatting it up about life, what i do, who i am ,, about Shepherd and why i am here in Indy,... Ok we arrive safely at "The Shep " he wanted to check it out for a minute... so we went in got him some contact information... AS he got ready to leave,, i very thankfully shook his hand and hoped to see him again... Later after class i received a page over the intercom to come to the front of the building, where i met our receptionist who held in her hand a check for $30 from this man who went out of his way to drop me off and went out of his way to get to know my story and actually payed me for it!!hmmm..
Mean while At jireh my other work site, where i work with three teams of kids,,, with gymnastics, wrestling, and airbornacrobatics,.. this next semester i will be starting a team called hip-hop haven. These Kids are very very rough,, but when you find the diamonds in the dirt makes the whole time worth it all!!! I just love the challenge of loving people, if they don't want it.. fine they don't want it.. but I'm still going find away to impact their life.... This is not stubborn annoyance... this is called persistence!! I learned this from a guy we call God.... or the More broken down version.... Jesus... He stands at the door and knocks".... softy??? no!! with persistence and wants in your heart! he will not quit, because he knows what you were meant for!! to be loved!! which his love is beyond measure... so when i try to love these kids,, i love them the way i know how to love them... but.. when i pray that God teaches me how to love them the way they need to be loved,,, god gives supernatural love to us so their needs can be met where they need to be met....... GRace.. any one?
Mean while, at wrestling practice i am called out to my jeep, because a Friend of my boss wants to look at it,, he get under my jeep in the rain,,, pounds on the starter a few times,, and after litt. 4 other attempts to start it.. it started right back up..... But i will nee to get a new starter!!! but praise God For this!! Really lord!! Thank you!!!
Teach me to love!!

-Someone may be waiting for you to be you, so they can watch and learn how to be them.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

OK, so I've been thinking, how is it possible to not get stressed out and not be anxious in a life and a culture saturated with.. stress and anxiety? The bible says, be Anxious about nothing, also, to "lean" not ( don't use as a crutch) on our own understanding... dont know about you.. but i understand me better than i understand any one else, and i know the way my mind and body works, sometimes i think that theres a short circuit in there, but hey as long as every body is fine with imperfection.. iguess I'm good.....right???:) maybe.....? ok.
but really... why does god talk about being still, (psalms 46:10, and 23) don't worry, or stress (Matthew 6:34). Anxiety... (1 peter 5:7, Phil. 4:6-7, and Matt 6:27)
There has to be some kind of purpose in the repetition here... In Psalm 23, he actually "makes" us lie down.. besides.. what kind of waters?? STILL waters. So in other words to me.... SHUT UP:)
I love this next verse, because of the visual... take a second to soak it in.

"My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother,like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore."
(Psalm 131:1-3)
So say you are the weaned child. the baby..... what are the babies actions.....?? nothing but.... completely resting contently in it's care takers arms.... eating up the intimate quality time....... what else can it do ........This is a sacrifice for most of us!! But this, is exactly what God wants from us! to sacrifice..... time to make the world stand still and let everything fly by as he writes out his plans for your day on and in your heart... But this drives us crazy... and makes us shaky and anxious and stressed out, because we " have to catch back up, if we stop"!! Good!! that means your running as fast as You can, at your pace not as fast as as every one else!
Please pray for me as i learn these lessons to... let me know what i can pray for you about....e-mail me at

It;s like popularity in high school, no body cares how popular you were once your out...
we are here for just a little while, why are we stressed out about stuff, that wont matter!!? could be tomorrow your dead!
In him!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

went some where and forgot how to get back:)

So as the trend has it, writing every month seems to be whats happening.... though i have a whole lot more time now...
So, lets jump right in.. I have had the most stretching and incredibly humbling last 5 weeks in a very long time! 'We" Beeing the 20 interns, all were handed postions according to thier gifts ablilities by all of the Shepherd staff, who stepped down, and let us run the whole joint. So pretty awesome, But even more exhasuting.. on top of weeks full of teaching and planing 8 hours a day as well as bible studies, dinners and church..... WE had groups ranging from, Outreach, Bible studies, Fun and activities ( for the interns) Administration, and the head servant,(I'll explain) which i shared with my incredible partner Emily. She is a soon to be Sr. From New Hampshire University, with a degree in Social Work.
Move'n on... Our postion was our bosses job of over seeing all the interns and making sure that everything ran smoothly in the direction that it should go! This postion calls for alot more physicaly, emotional, and very much spiritual energy than i thought possible!! One we are held to higher standers.'
"Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check".
(james 3:1-2)
Two, people are differnt, and have different oppinions, thoughts and cultueral back grounds....So what i learend was that Emily and i prayed continually for humility, which is just as bad as praying for patience mind you..:) But, really i cannot come from my own understanding of people and leadership, but have to have empathy, compassion, yet at the same time stand firm in what has to be done! Which beeing a people pleaser in the first place makes this postion a little tougher) But why God put me here.. to teach me:)
But it went well, other than a little bit of drama, and daily having to take fire and listen to every side of some very frustrated and confused individuals! It's painful to see the little bit of poison in the cup almost ruin the whole beverage. But, By the daily grace of God, we were able to all work through it, and move on.
I have heard stories of pain and sadness, drugs, Achohol , abuse, depression, non christian, fathersless homes.. just from us interns.. So it makes sence that,, hurting people would want to help people like themselves.
But on the other hand i have seen smiling faces, with hearts bigger than they are, God fearing men and women, who all have one thing in common.. they just want to Love God with everything that they are, and have no time or want to fake it!
Im now living in the big old creepy house that all 13 girls were living in all smummer. My 2 other roomates and I have, a pet mouse who runs the place, and visits frequently, to see how we are.. or maybe thats what it's thinking:) It's name is Ralphy the girls named it:)
Let me conclued with a huge thank you for your prayers and all the glory to god! My neighbor josh who i have been praying for since day one asked jesus in to his heart! But, not only him, but his best friend Tim, who has tagged along with josh to church a couple times!!!! Incredible!! I dont know how people dont get excited when someone gives them selves up and runs to our savior.. and dont have to go to hell any more!! thats something to be thankful for!!
praise all Goes to the one who created praise!
Until every body knows him.

Ps. The prognosis to the "Me's" is a life time devotion to serving others.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

wow, 5 weeks already!

Incredible.. it's been 5 weeks already, and the last three have been packed with so much i doubt i can even attempt to remember all of it! Beeing tired, i pretty positive i will leave out alot. But let me bullet point them for you, due lack of a very precious thing, Time.....
  • I am learning time managment,( fitting everything into a schedual and fitting all that i love the most (God)" into all this)
  • how to teach and work specifically with urban middle schoolers
  • Middle school drama :)
  • EVery tuesday we Go to a horse farm and learn disciplen and all about horses as well as ride them.. Incredible to watch these kids come alive, and how much they actually want to know about horses!!
  • Learning to pray the same prayer for these kids and thier family... where mine is for a good day to love on them.. where theirs may be.. "God i dont have shoes,, i dont have food, i dont have a mom, or dad, can you keep me safe from my dad who hits me and my momy,,, that is if either mom or dad is even in the picture....
  • Walked and witnessed down town, a couple times. one when the Gay pride festival was going on! which was deff. Interesting! alot of great conversations, and alot of Doors the lord had opened!
  • How to be a true servant! when i dont feel like it,, my heart should want to tak advantage of the leggs and arms and strenghth that the lord has blessed me with...
  • Served bread and differnt kind of foods to many many homeless, on our free time.. Crazy conversations there... how these people get there.. whcih is very sad, becasue they told thier stories and it made me think about a hand full of the kids here, and the same path's that they are going down.
  • Service project last saturday, mowing yards, scraping, painting houses, planting flowers, and reparing floors roofs and walls.
  • This saturday, after along week, a family invided all the interns over to thier lake house for bouting, tubing and jetsking!:) awesome!!!! While jet sking, a few of the interns had never jet skied before, so i took it easy on them at first.. they my man, Jeremy got dumped 15 yards behind me:) haha.. and Another intern Emily, had never jet skied as well, and at first i was nice:):) haha but she had to get the full effect.. hahah, lets just say we both had to swim for 50 to 60 yards to get back to the jet ski:) but once she took that first fall i let her drive, and lets say she was "Crazy" haha... she was getting so excited any time she saw a wave.... pretty funny:)
  • Yesterday.. we had a steel drum outreach in one of the parks,, which was an incredible situation for some very deep conversations. One was actually with one of the Campus crusdaes Staff members decesed husbands parents, who weree absolutly incredible.. Their strenght and love for thier daughter in law, who gave her testimony only a week ago, about losing her bast freind and husband with two young boys! which one i am getting very close with so i pray that I can be a godly example of a man for him.
  • Last night all of us interns had a "Mans night" Shot Guns, bow and arrows, ate half of a cow, and grunted a little bit... you know typical guy stuff:) haha It was Great to do things that are very typical as what Guys do, because i have never wanted a lable or to be fit into a catagory, becasue that would count me in as typical and the same as every one else... Im pretty rebellious":) But the lord is teaching me that there is a time and basics to everything.... I cannot make a free throw with out beeing able to make a lay up first! there is an order, just as it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Sorry it's been a while since my last blog, it's been very busy and very tireing... Im super excited to see what the lord continues to do! he has been soo tangible it's not even funny.. so continue to pray for guidence, love, perseverence... and for the neighbor kids,, i have had the honor to come along side a couple of the kids and bring them to church, and pray and teach them About Gods love, but it is a slow process,, but they are eager, and want a male modle... so i know that me beeing me i cant give them the example they need.. so i need Gods GRace!!!!

Bless you,,, im sooo thank full for you!!

God's Grace is sufficient!!


Sunday, June 7, 2009

week one..... we got this!:)

Hey there, hope your doen great!
Overwhelmed with with questions here. But crazy excited for what God is about to do. I got here to sheperd a week ago today. which is weird in it's elf, becasue, i t deffinalty doent seem like it. I guess becasue this week has been so busy, full of incredible conversations and meeting some equally incredible people! We have been in traing all week, in biblical evangelism, and CPR.
Im living in a two strory appt. with 6 other incredible guys, who seem to be very real and authetic. Though i may seem a little overwhelmed with how crowed it can get some times. it's exciting, becasue it gives thats much more of a chance to get to know eachother. which belive me we have. There are 14 God fearing young women, who live in an old two story house thats has need much maintance, in which was finsihed the day or actually the hour of move in..
It's crazy,how all of our hearts are pretty much on the same page, regardless if some may be faking it, which i highly doubt it, ( you will know them by thier fruit) The fruit of each person's heart shows love and compassion for others. so inother words im living and working with people alot like me... thats crazy.. This is what i prayed fo before leaving home. That the lord would bring people into my life i could share my heart and love for people with... These people want to love me, and they want to invest,... which shows...! awesome!
The week has been long and tireing but soo good.. becasue I know that the only way i can make it through any of it is through beeing in the word and constant convo with the lord. I am soo busy,, it's pretty hard to spend as much time with the lord as i have to !! We have done a few out reaches, to a couple universities as well as a park. The point in these out reaches is to get us out of our fear for sharing the gossple and bringing up conversation of God and saharing the love that we have.. in jesus Christ! This is quite the challange when you have a lot of turned off, cold people who know what the "jesus preachers" look like, so thay want nothing of it.. But These people are so lost and even though they are on a journey to find" Truth" they are still missing the whole point of living.... God.....
Tomarrow i start working with the kids. I am in charge of the middle schoolers. which will be intense, alot of messed up kids, who have no idea, what love really lookes like what a true example of a man looks like.. so im praying , the lord helps me with humility, and perseverience to be that light to these people and the kids.. it's gunna be a full week.. of games,.. i will be teaching classes in this summer school.. which is awesome! So ima teacher:) So im actually in my classroom right now cleaning and decerating... we'll kinda.. taking a break.... This week my self we will be taking the class, to a farm to shovle poo, ride horses, work in the garden, and know what it means to have a work ethic. Also We have a sweet finacial program.... that the kids can set up thier own data base, and keep track of points that they have earned through participation in class, beeing here on time, investing.... They let it build, and can make enough "money", to buy gifts, or online shoping...... Pretty cool way to teach them how to manage thier money... But... i need to go try to do some laundrey at the girls house, becasue they ahve the washer and dryer... WE ahve a dryer at the aptt. but no washing machine!:)
But please continue to pray for the lords guidence, and wisdome, as well as protection. not only for me and my fellow interns, but for these abused, and hurting kids, who are just like we are... they just want to be loved, they just want tknow that they are safe, and be conunted as worth something...... AS well as Staying focused@ there are alot of things that the DEvil is putting in my foot steps that hes trying to use to keep me from fullfilling my purpose here... Who do i want to be remembered as?? the one that sat in the corner by my self.. or the one that made an impact and mark on these kids!
Im super excited, but very ....... well i dont know.. what to expect tomarrow.. but soon i will know and i will share with you what i find out!
Thanks for reading!!
God bless you, and have a great pourpose filled day.

(1 Cor. 10:31) "What ever you do, do it all for the Glory of God"

Saturday, May 30, 2009

oh.. lets just get started already

Ok, so day one starts tomarrow of this new chapter in my life! how crazy it has been getting here! Let me bring you up to day just a little bit.
Honestly, a little over two months ago, my plans were to stay around MI, work with the parents, and occasionally visit friends at camp.. Pretty basic i know.... Then the plan turned in to goin to Africa for a few weeks with a friend to see where he was from, and his family who he has not seen in years.. Would be an incredible oppertunity right!!? apparently not right now:) .. Even though i had all the paper work and and finacial support lining up. A good freind Of mine, calls me an hour before my first day at the YMCA and asked if he could recommend me for an internship position in Indianapolis, doing inner city work for a year.. At this point, i am exhausted emotionally, meantally, and spiritually trying to Analyze my way into god's will. You cant do This. That is why we have the holy spirit. So i told him, i was sick of trying to figure it out and asking questions.. 'YEs".... just So you know there are soo many other underling pains and emotions happeing in my heart at this time! This was the hour of my "Pride Detox", which i'll fill you in another time. But meanwhile after finally getting this job at the YMCA, after applying litterally 40 places! I was working with Kids, which is incredible i love it. Ironically, my boss told me that my schedual wasnt working with them so they would work something else for a nother Area, like the weight room.... Heck yeah.. i love that too! Never got a call,, even afternumerous attempts to call them.... that was in March:) so, a couple things came to mind.. Jerimiah 29:11-13, and a saying from an old retired pastor from Tennisse. " The Lord's Got ya here to get ya there" which is crazy simple, but so true, especially when your in the middle the junk that life throws at ya.. Or the stuff God allows us to go through, to test our love for him . (Deut. 13:3)"The LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul". what i want to know is, When God looks at my heart does he see all my motives, and desires that show him how much i love him... When i hate where i am at in my life,, do i show the same consistancy .. probably not.. im human.. but is that an excuse to quit,, probably not!
Lastly, i have a few goals in writing this blog.
1. Keep my freinds and family up dated with whats happening.
2. Use this as a ministry oppertunity
3. Become a better writer
4. Write when i can
5. U will problably see me talking to God alot on here.
thank you, for read'en more to come.