Wednesday, April 28, 2010

"How do you solve a problem like Maria'

unfortunately when, i think about any puzzle that i just don't know how to solve, the years of home schooling, bring out alot about my unknown character and how my days were spent with my mom watching her favorite musical, The sound of music.
There were Nazis, long socks, short shorts, the van trap family, as well as singing nuns. Quite interesting i know. ( watch it.. don't judge;)
The song that is especially stuck in my head today, is one that the nuns sing about a rebellious young nun named maria, who has not begun to grasp the discipline and life style of her nun hood. What to do?:)
This is my question. How to solve the jigsaw of rebellious middle schoolers who believe that the world is owed to them.
As i work with alot of middle schoolers for my gym class of course things are supposed to be a little more expressive, and or aggressive. But there is a difference between the setting of a class of chairs and a class room with room to run and be free. What is difficult, is that one, they are middle schoolers which is hard enough, two they are in two different kind of environments which I'm only going to name. Home, and shepherd.
At home they may not get attention, maybe neglect, maybe verbal abuse or even physical abuse or worse maybe a death in the family. Regardless, the home situation they are broken and very distracted bottom line, which is why we do what we do, examplify Christ love and guide them in his direction.
At shepherd they are taken care of very well, to some extent i will boldly say too much at times.
The issues is not that they are well taken care of.. What a blessing!! They are fed, clothed, and well educated. But when it comes down to it there starts to become an expectionan and or co-dependency of the catering, and constant pampering in their lives.
What i have run into is of course as many kids are learning, respect. Yet, as much as this is a learning process, it is no excuse to allow them to speak matter- a -factually to an adult. As if they will do what they want when they want, and as a mentor, teacher, adult, and most importantly an example continue to allow them to do and say what they please with out discipline they are regardless how taken care of are setting them selves on another road for failure. And any one who does not pay attention to it is helping them their.
Acts 17:11 says that God disciplines those he loves!
Well, dog gone it. i know for sure i love those kids like crazy, and if what it says in Acts is true, then i will go to my grave being certain that they knew that i cared more about their future than being cool with them.
Also, Many of the kids i work with over at Jireh, scare me, because they at risk now, and i fear for their futures. Many of them are soo full of anger and aggression with out discipline. I can sadly say if they don't learn the world of disciple will kill some one and or end up in prsion, and the problem is they might not even realize that what they did was so wrong, because no one stopped being cool with them long enough to set them in the path that they should go on.
So with the shepherd kids, i have set guidelines, rules, which are very simple and easy to follow. But....... Buttons are made to be pushed, i get that, I can relate, i did that growing up too. i might still :)
I have pulled individuals aside, i have had group I call it "team" discipline, and call it lectures about Their disrespect, i have docked grades, talked to supervisors, notes are sent home to parents. Yet their is no seriousness or budging on their behalf. I'm too stubborn to give up on them, i wont. Impossible, because i know how important consistence was in my life growing up. I will bring the tough love. they can trow what ever they want, but i will see seceding well discipled people some day when we meet again. That's my only option.
If God calls us his child, and Jesus says that if we are not like children in many of our ways we wont inherit heaven...So obviously Kids really do make a difference.
And course, we don't do any of this so we can take credit for whom the children have become. (That's stupid.) how many other people have been, are in, or will be in their lives to help them form their views, and understanding.
Yet tonight at jireh a teacher from one of the local schools stopped by to drop a student off, and as we started talking about the kids and discipline, i asked what i should do in this type of situation, and with alot of wisdom and experience simply told me "Consistency", "Never quit"
'It's what they want" no one give that to them, so you fight to be consistent in their life"!
ok,, well put:)
What i love about Urban ministry. people are blunt and don't beat around the words. they just tell it how it is:)
So how do i solve this problem, of course continue to pray for the students and for my self. But if no one else is willing to go with me, well, then i will be consistent discipline if i hate doing it.
I cant imagine how much God hates it when we are hurt confused, and made, because we are being deformed from our self's and conforming to himself.
But over all God is good, Ive seen more positive and real days than thee other so I'm greatful to learn discipline my self through this process! Crazy isn't it?:)
Be blessed and love some kids so much that you would be willing to stick with them and show how much you care about them by giving them order and structure for their future.
so with that word vomit thee end:)

Friday, December 4, 2009

god can keeps us from falling!

so I'm a little shaken right now. my heart is dabbing in my stomach fluids. It is just soo weird and inhuman, to see some one you interact with on a daily basis stare you in the eyes and next thing you know roll away on a stretcher.
Yesterday, my boss and mentor called and asked me if i could meet him for lunch at shepherd and catch up on life and how things were going. Well, we are rarely ever at shepehrd on fridays, but here is for shadow of gods for seeing faithful ness and protection.
Not only were my boss and i eating lunch at the same time, but four other guys who never eat at this time either. WE are conversing, talking about feeling out of place at very ritzy restaurants.. and my other boss.. (i know got alot of them.) Who is a blessing just to be around, because of his incredible wisdom, asked our young middle school academic director a question... I watched his face,, as his lips quivered, and stuttered to get the words out. I have never seen him have any verbal communication problem. He is a very studious and fluently spoken young guy..
pushing for words, but nothing came out as we all watched and anticipated his response, or maybe a laugh at this joke... i knew in my heart, something was wrong.. as i studied his face and his eyes, i thought to my self " Ive never seen him studder, and he doesn't have any food in his mouth to choke on." as he continued to struggle to get the words out, he turned red from embarrassment, and pointed in confusion, why he couldn't talk?.. he didn't understand why nothing was coming out.
He turned red, and his eyes rolled. as he started to tip back off of his seat all of the energy that was built up from wanted to speak,, blurted out in a haunting release, that sounded like the Alian tripods on tom Cruses War of Worlds.
With out consciousness I"now blurted, 'Catch him" as quickly he was caught on each side, and layed on the ground, where he stiffened up, paralyzed and shaking, with wide eyes and a very pale face.
Tim, my boss, the wise guy, told me to call 911, and drove the moment of this crisis like an experienced captain of a ship. He continued to talk and and ask questions to keep my Friend aware.. After the call was made, i walked back into the cafeteria to see how he was doing... i remember saying "God please heal him quick". He was then wheeled off to the ER, and by that time he had come to, and started trying to fight people off, because the body just thinks that you are being attacked... so again Tim, kept him down. until the paramedics showed up.
....As i write this a few hours later guess who walks into his own class room with his wife?:) He is doing better, a little exhausted.. of course, but doing fine, and apparently it Has happened once before, so it is not just very out of the blue! But as he said Thank God he was in the right place!!
Yes! no doubt.. this is what I'm talking about,,,, God saw this coming.. it was no surprise.. why do you think that He sent all of us..... at the same time. A wrong time for us typically. But perfect timing on gods behalf!
God praise you for you love, and watching over us, and knowing us better than we know our selves. for knowing the number of every hair on our head, calling all the stars by name!
That's beautiful !

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Thank you

Thank you for today!
Thanks for waking me up!
Thank you for letting me breath again
And for a roof over my head,
A Bed to sleep in with bankets and a pillow.
thank you that there is always food.
Thank you for a vehical to drive that gets me to my "job".
Thank you for the "job" That you have given me
Thank you for all the people who have supported me (finacially or other ways!)
Thank you for for parents who are still together after 36 years of soo much life!
For two unique and incredibly loving , cool brothers, who get me,
Thank you for my sister, for bringing her into our lives to remind us of how love takes work!
For hard times, which make the good times so much sweeter!
Thanks Shepherd and Jireh
Thank you for these tough kids
Thank you for your mercy (You run to the hurting)
Thank you for your grace
Thank you for loving me even at my worst
Thank you for your consistancy!
Thank you for hope
If you wake me up tomarrow, thank you!
how can i serve you!??!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

GRace anyone??

Once again God is ridiculous!
My boss and i have had alot of time to talk, on the way into work everyday, because My jeep broke down, so he has been gracious and picking me up.... today, like Tuesday i wanted to walked the 5 mile's to shepherd where I teach P.E. for first graders and middleschoolers.
Today, more particularly i started my walk in the over cast sprinkle of the day. I Prayer"God please hold it off"..... it waited, but then the rain started to pick up.... but half way through my rainy adventure to work, i saw one of my co-workers, pull into the bank crossed the street from me..... "great.. ill get a ride from him"... As im checking the traffic situation on both sides, i step toward the road to cross, and a guy pulled up and asked if i needed a ride...... mind you.. i don't give rides to just any one and dont take rides from just any body... but.. ok.. i got in.. we got turned around... we started chatting it up about life, what i do, who i am ,, about Shepherd and why i am here in Indy,... Ok we arrive safely at "The Shep " he wanted to check it out for a minute... so we went in got him some contact information... AS he got ready to leave,, i very thankfully shook his hand and hoped to see him again... Later after class i received a page over the intercom to come to the front of the building, where i met our receptionist who held in her hand a check for $30 from this man who went out of his way to drop me off and went out of his way to get to know my story and actually payed me for it!!hmmm..
Mean while At jireh my other work site, where i work with three teams of kids,,, with gymnastics, wrestling, and airbornacrobatics,.. this next semester i will be starting a team called hip-hop haven. These Kids are very very rough,, but when you find the diamonds in the dirt makes the whole time worth it all!!! I just love the challenge of loving people, if they don't want it.. fine they don't want it.. but I'm still going find away to impact their life.... This is not stubborn annoyance... this is called persistence!! I learned this from a guy we call God.... or the More broken down version.... Jesus... He stands at the door and knocks".... softy??? no!! with persistence and wants in your heart! he will not quit, because he knows what you were meant for!! to be loved!! which his love is beyond measure... so when i try to love these kids,, i love them the way i know how to love them... but.. when i pray that God teaches me how to love them the way they need to be loved,,, god gives supernatural love to us so their needs can be met where they need to be met....... GRace.. any one?
Mean while, at wrestling practice i am called out to my jeep, because a Friend of my boss wants to look at it,, he get under my jeep in the rain,,, pounds on the starter a few times,, and after litt. 4 other attempts to start it.. it started right back up..... But i will nee to get a new starter!!! but praise God For this!! Really lord!! Thank you!!!
Teach me to love!!

-Someone may be waiting for you to be you, so they can watch and learn how to be them.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

OK, so I've been thinking, how is it possible to not get stressed out and not be anxious in a life and a culture saturated with.. stress and anxiety? The bible says, be Anxious about nothing, also, to "lean" not ( don't use as a crutch) on our own understanding... dont know about you.. but i understand me better than i understand any one else, and i know the way my mind and body works, sometimes i think that theres a short circuit in there, but hey as long as every body is fine with imperfection.. iguess I'm good.....right???:) maybe.....? ok.
but really... why does god talk about being still, (psalms 46:10, and 23) don't worry, or stress (Matthew 6:34). Anxiety... (1 peter 5:7, Phil. 4:6-7, and Matt 6:27)
There has to be some kind of purpose in the repetition here... In Psalm 23, he actually "makes" us lie down.. besides.. what kind of waters?? STILL waters. So in other words to me.... SHUT UP:)
I love this next verse, because of the visual... take a second to soak it in.

"My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother,like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore."
(Psalm 131:1-3)
So say you are the weaned child. the baby..... what are the babies actions.....?? nothing but.... completely resting contently in it's care takers arms.... eating up the intimate quality time....... what else can it do ........This is a sacrifice for most of us!! But this, is exactly what God wants from us! to sacrifice..... time to make the world stand still and let everything fly by as he writes out his plans for your day on and in your heart... But this drives us crazy... and makes us shaky and anxious and stressed out, because we " have to catch back up, if we stop"!! Good!! that means your running as fast as You can, at your pace not as fast as as every one else!
Please pray for me as i learn these lessons to... let me know what i can pray for you about....e-mail me at

It;s like popularity in high school, no body cares how popular you were once your out...
we are here for just a little while, why are we stressed out about stuff, that wont matter!!? could be tomorrow your dead!
In him!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

went some where and forgot how to get back:)

So as the trend has it, writing every month seems to be whats happening.... though i have a whole lot more time now...
So, lets jump right in.. I have had the most stretching and incredibly humbling last 5 weeks in a very long time! 'We" Beeing the 20 interns, all were handed postions according to thier gifts ablilities by all of the Shepherd staff, who stepped down, and let us run the whole joint. So pretty awesome, But even more exhasuting.. on top of weeks full of teaching and planing 8 hours a day as well as bible studies, dinners and church..... WE had groups ranging from, Outreach, Bible studies, Fun and activities ( for the interns) Administration, and the head servant,(I'll explain) which i shared with my incredible partner Emily. She is a soon to be Sr. From New Hampshire University, with a degree in Social Work.
Move'n on... Our postion was our bosses job of over seeing all the interns and making sure that everything ran smoothly in the direction that it should go! This postion calls for alot more physicaly, emotional, and very much spiritual energy than i thought possible!! One we are held to higher standers.'
"Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check".
(james 3:1-2)
Two, people are differnt, and have different oppinions, thoughts and cultueral back grounds....So what i learend was that Emily and i prayed continually for humility, which is just as bad as praying for patience mind you..:) But, really i cannot come from my own understanding of people and leadership, but have to have empathy, compassion, yet at the same time stand firm in what has to be done! Which beeing a people pleaser in the first place makes this postion a little tougher) But why God put me here.. to teach me:)
But it went well, other than a little bit of drama, and daily having to take fire and listen to every side of some very frustrated and confused individuals! It's painful to see the little bit of poison in the cup almost ruin the whole beverage. But, By the daily grace of God, we were able to all work through it, and move on.
I have heard stories of pain and sadness, drugs, Achohol , abuse, depression, non christian, fathersless homes.. just from us interns.. So it makes sence that,, hurting people would want to help people like themselves.
But on the other hand i have seen smiling faces, with hearts bigger than they are, God fearing men and women, who all have one thing in common.. they just want to Love God with everything that they are, and have no time or want to fake it!
Im now living in the big old creepy house that all 13 girls were living in all smummer. My 2 other roomates and I have, a pet mouse who runs the place, and visits frequently, to see how we are.. or maybe thats what it's thinking:) It's name is Ralphy the girls named it:)
Let me conclued with a huge thank you for your prayers and all the glory to god! My neighbor josh who i have been praying for since day one asked jesus in to his heart! But, not only him, but his best friend Tim, who has tagged along with josh to church a couple times!!!! Incredible!! I dont know how people dont get excited when someone gives them selves up and runs to our savior.. and dont have to go to hell any more!! thats something to be thankful for!!
praise all Goes to the one who created praise!
Until every body knows him.

Ps. The prognosis to the "Me's" is a life time devotion to serving others.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

wow, 5 weeks already!

Incredible.. it's been 5 weeks already, and the last three have been packed with so much i doubt i can even attempt to remember all of it! Beeing tired, i pretty positive i will leave out alot. But let me bullet point them for you, due lack of a very precious thing, Time.....
  • I am learning time managment,( fitting everything into a schedual and fitting all that i love the most (God)" into all this)
  • how to teach and work specifically with urban middle schoolers
  • Middle school drama :)
  • EVery tuesday we Go to a horse farm and learn disciplen and all about horses as well as ride them.. Incredible to watch these kids come alive, and how much they actually want to know about horses!!
  • Learning to pray the same prayer for these kids and thier family... where mine is for a good day to love on them.. where theirs may be.. "God i dont have shoes,, i dont have food, i dont have a mom, or dad, can you keep me safe from my dad who hits me and my momy,,, that is if either mom or dad is even in the picture....
  • Walked and witnessed down town, a couple times. one when the Gay pride festival was going on! which was deff. Interesting! alot of great conversations, and alot of Doors the lord had opened!
  • How to be a true servant! when i dont feel like it,, my heart should want to tak advantage of the leggs and arms and strenghth that the lord has blessed me with...
  • Served bread and differnt kind of foods to many many homeless, on our free time.. Crazy conversations there... how these people get there.. whcih is very sad, becasue they told thier stories and it made me think about a hand full of the kids here, and the same path's that they are going down.
  • Service project last saturday, mowing yards, scraping, painting houses, planting flowers, and reparing floors roofs and walls.
  • This saturday, after along week, a family invided all the interns over to thier lake house for bouting, tubing and jetsking!:) awesome!!!! While jet sking, a few of the interns had never jet skied before, so i took it easy on them at first.. they my man, Jeremy got dumped 15 yards behind me:) haha.. and Another intern Emily, had never jet skied as well, and at first i was nice:):) haha but she had to get the full effect.. hahah, lets just say we both had to swim for 50 to 60 yards to get back to the jet ski:) but once she took that first fall i let her drive, and lets say she was "Crazy" haha... she was getting so excited any time she saw a wave.... pretty funny:)
  • Yesterday.. we had a steel drum outreach in one of the parks,, which was an incredible situation for some very deep conversations. One was actually with one of the Campus crusdaes Staff members decesed husbands parents, who weree absolutly incredible.. Their strenght and love for thier daughter in law, who gave her testimony only a week ago, about losing her bast freind and husband with two young boys! which one i am getting very close with so i pray that I can be a godly example of a man for him.
  • Last night all of us interns had a "Mans night" Shot Guns, bow and arrows, ate half of a cow, and grunted a little bit... you know typical guy stuff:) haha It was Great to do things that are very typical as what Guys do, because i have never wanted a lable or to be fit into a catagory, becasue that would count me in as typical and the same as every one else... Im pretty rebellious":) But the lord is teaching me that there is a time and basics to everything.... I cannot make a free throw with out beeing able to make a lay up first! there is an order, just as it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Sorry it's been a while since my last blog, it's been very busy and very tireing... Im super excited to see what the lord continues to do! he has been soo tangible it's not even funny.. so continue to pray for guidence, love, perseverence... and for the neighbor kids,, i have had the honor to come along side a couple of the kids and bring them to church, and pray and teach them About Gods love, but it is a slow process,, but they are eager, and want a male modle... so i know that me beeing me i cant give them the example they need.. so i need Gods GRace!!!!

Bless you,,, im sooo thank full for you!!

God's Grace is sufficient!!